When the truth is like a stranger
by Machiavelli Jr
Summary: Previously 'Maybe she was right'. LJ oneshots in no particular order, starting with Lily reflecting on an unusually thoughtful choice of gift and skipping all over time and space thereafter. Includes songfics, pranks, Quidditch and more. Abandoned.
1. Maybe she was right

Summary: Lily was quite offended by Petunia's going-away present for her 7th year. Later, she sees that it wasn't as cruel as she thought. Songfic to Meredith Brooks to begin with; L/J. T for language. Slightly schizo, nothing nasty though. R&R please, first time here.

Disclaimer: I own nothing here. Lyrics are Meredith Brooks, characters and settings JKR and Celestine someone else's.

A/N: Yes, I know this song wasn't released until 1996. Do I care? No. Warning, LE is not even close to Ms Perfect here; that would be boring. James is the Marauder we know and love, though starting to grow up. Takes place Christmas 1977, as Lily reflects on the success of her Infallible Potter-Repelling Plot. **_ (speech) _** is Lily's other side coming through; she can't lie to herself _that_ well and she's been Perfect-Prefect/Head-Girl-Evans for too long. On a site largely populated by teenage girls, someone should be able to tell me why Lily's alter ego is called Celestine. Flames will be used to help out the central heating, it's cold here.

**Maybe she was right...**

Maybe Petunia was right about me. How did I manage to sink _this_ low? I'm as bad as he was; mocking people just for who they are. He can't help his hair, or his reputation, ** _(or being so infuriatingly handsome)_**. Did I just think that? I certainly wasn't thinking it an hour ago. An hour ago I was breaking his reputation **_ (and his heart) _** no, just his reputation. He only kept chasing because I dared to turn him down. Whether I hurt him that much or not, her going-away present was pretty appropriate this year. In fact, it's about time to play it. After all; righteous indignation would make a nice change from being guilty. Where's that enchanted record player of Sirius'? It's the only useful thing James brought for the Heads' Common Room and he _never _puts it back. Here we go. Meredith Brooks' _Bitch_. So subtle, Petunia. I don't think.

_I hate the world today  
You're so good to me, I know  
But I can't change_

Sounds about right to start with. He has been almost good to me these last few months, even before my great idea. As good as he gets anyway; he hasn't pranked Severus recently, he pays at least a little bit of attention to our duties though I still do most of the work **_ (and on our three 'dates' he was charm itself.) _** You again. Not quite charming enough, but not bad. Not sure about hating the world; myself sometimes, him possibly but that's about it. Change? Yeah, I suppose so. **_ (If he really has changed then you need to as well.) _** Even if he hasn't I should be above taking revenge, especially that particular revenge. Nobody should be made to look like that. Except ... no, not even Potter. Even that particular arrogant, obscenely smart, Quidditch-star, messy-haired GIT doesn't deserve to be publicly humiliated on Christmas Eve. Not really. And if he was trying, it was only because he thought I might go out with him if he cleaned up his act. People don't change _that_ much overnight. Admittedly I thought he had for a while, but it was late and I was tired.

_Tried to tell you but you looked at me like maybe I'm an angel underneath  
Innocent and sweet_

Well, tried slightly anyway. I only got about ten seconds into my dramatic 3am confession before he cut me off with one of his patented cocky remarks; something on the lines of "There's no need to apologize for hating me for four years. you're mine now, that's all that counts." After three lousy dates _I_ am not anybody's. Especially not his. **_ (But you were nearly crying when you tried to tell him.)_** Well, I thought I was about to get hexed into next week. I wasn't all that sorry.

_Yesterday I cried  
You must have been relieved to see the softer side  
I can understand how you'd be so confused  
I don't envy you  
I'm a little bit of everything  
All rolled into one_

That's how it must look to him anyway. **_ (Poor James.) _** Well, poor James or not, it's not every week that the girl you've been harassing **_ (trying to charm, in his own puerile way) _** for four years flirts shamelessly, agrees to go out with you and even laughs at a Marauder prank **_ (well, it was funny) _** No it wasn't, I was leading him along **_ (Liar)_**. It certainly isn't every day that she finishes with you in public. Loudly. Embarassingly. With **_ (lies and you know it) _** slurs on his intentions, honour, intelligence and sexual habits. Not only can I understand his confusion and not envy him one bit; I can see what he must think of me. **_ (Loves you anyway.) _** Not that. Hates me. For stringing him along, for doing exactly what I hated in him, for making him look a complete bastard in front of his three best mates. Hates me.

_I'm a bitch  
I'm a lover  
I'm a child  
I'm a mother  
I'm a sinner  
I'm a saint  
I do not feel ashamed  
I'm your hell  
I'm you dream  
I'm nothing in between  
You know you wouldn't want it any other way_

Well, not mother. And not lover **_ (and you wouldn't want to, one day?) _** No, just no. **_(He might not agree. Besides, everyone else can admit it.) _** I. Do. Not. Find. James. Potter. Attractive. **_ (Of course not. Even in the showers?) _** That was just Black being his usual mature self. I wasn't _interested_ or anything. Anyway, he's probably pretty sure about all the others. Bitch, yes. Child, yes, that was a pretty childish thing to do. Sinner would have been a dead loss until today; it's probably putting things mildly now. Saint is a given; he's been calling me Saint Evans or variants thereof since I got Regulus down from the flagpole in the fourth year. Hell is what I am to him now, **_ (dream was yesterday; which did you enjoy more?) _** and nobody in their right mind would want someone who did that to him. **_ (He's not in his right mind, he's in love. Mutually exclusive.) _** Hmm, I have to admit he's sane or serious. Tricky. Ah well, if he's in love he must be too dumb to live and if he's sane he must really _hate_ me. That's a better choice, an enemy or an idiot. Both. **_(Or neither. Former idiot. Former enemy. And he really wouldn't want you any different.) _** I already said he was an idiot.

_So take me as I am  
This may mean you'll have to be a stronger man  
Rest assured that when I start to make you nervous  
And I'm going to extremes_

I'd prefer him not to take me at all, really **_ (Liar. You wouldn't, he will, get over it. Though at the moment, 'as you are' isn't _** **_particularly desirable. Title, remember?) _** I was coming to that, Celestine. On the other hand, with a bit more strength of character he might not be such a complete wanker. Last week, I might even have said that he didn't have nerves to worry about; I still wouldn't bet on it **_ (Only because you don't gamble. I would. I'm you, remember? Semantics don't work on your own mind.) _** Dammit, if talking to yourself is the first sign of madness what is it when you start answering? **_ (Us. And hold that next thought. We haven't got to 'extremes' yet. Being James, I doubt he'll look scared when we do. Feel scared, undoubtedly.) _** And how am _I_ going to scare James, visibly or not? **_ (You're me, so you already know. Time you grew up a bit, we're 16, remember? No point denying it. _** **_Not here, not now.) _** Well, it's NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN, so get our mind out of the gutter.

_Tomorrow I will change  
And today won't mean a thing_

**NOW THAT SHE GOT RIGHT!** Aha, we agree on something. If we keep doing that, there might only be one of me in here. I can get on with damning myself in peace, like ordinary people. **_ (Not much chance. There's too big a gap between 'Head Girl' and 'Fifth _** **_Marauder'.) _** For one year! Young and stupid! **_ (Revenge on Potter? Helping Severus come up with something that's ONLY _** **_useful for pranks and worse? Hexing Lara Notsil when she tried to spike his drink with Amortentia?) _** I already regret the first, the theory behind _Levicorpus_ is fascinating and I'd save anyone from that slimy cow. Even him.

_Just when you think, you got me figured out  
The season's already changing  
I think it's cool, you do what you do  
And don't try to save me _

Him, figure me out? Just when I was starting to think I approved of a present from Petunia, of all people, this comes along. Not a chance **_ (as long as we keep deliberately screwing his life up there certainly isn't.) _** Screw his _life_ up. I was guilty about his day, maybe his Christmas! His life is a bit much. **_ (No it isn't. He loves us, remember?) _** Us? Last I looked, there's only one Lily Evans. She's talking to ... herself ... oh shit there is a problem here. A worse problem than James, even. I'm losing it. **_ (Ha. I thought we were _smart** **_You fake your whole life for so long, you're going to be a bit odd. And I quite like Saint Evans, but she's meant to be a _** **_mask, not a lifestyle.) _** Enough, stop, just let me back into my head. On the other hand, showing him that he's chasing a lunatic would have been a far more elegant way to get rid of a certain handsome pest. **_ (Never again. We agreed on that. If he comes back this _** **_time, ACCEPT IT! Enjoy it; he wasn't so bad.) _** And he's insane enough himself that he'd have a bloody cheek if he did try to 'save me'. Maybe he wouldn't bother – I can see James with a girl whose alter ego makes a better Marauder than he does. Right, decision made. You can shut up now, Celestine. **_ (Knew you'd get there. Act your age, relax a bit and maybe I won't have to come back and kick you again.) _** Right. Now how to convince him he doesn't really hate me. That he was serious, however much he tries to deny it himself, which, being a bloke, he probably will for a while.

_I'm a bitch, I'm a tease  
I'm a goddess on my knees  
When you hurt, when you suffer  
I'm your angel undercover_

Guilty, guilty, WHAAAT? He wishes. No, no, new Lily. He's alright remember. And of course he wishes. After all, the idea doesn't sound too bad to me either. See whether all that Quidditch really has helped his muscles. I doubt it – how much strength does it take to fly? Still, Rose said it did a lot for Ben Avery, so it's worth finding out. Eventually, of course. We'll take it slowly, there's no need to give the wrong impression and we might both be wrong. **_ (You and James might. I'm not. Not this time.) _** I thought you'd gone away. Anyways, I don't think we'll be together tomorrow and he'll probably get his New Year's kiss from someone else. Euch, hope it's not that fourth year, Vain or whatever she's called. That level of obsession isn't healthy.

_I've been numb, I'm revived  
Can't say I'm not alive  
You know I wouldn't want it any other way _

**THAT'S ME!** Let's hope he wouldn't either. Maybe this plan wasn't so bad. If I hadn't done it, we'd still be fighting. I haven't seen him since I left him nearly in tears. I will. We'll get on better. We have to. I've decided. **_ (No credit to me?) _** _I_ have decided. You are me. Ergo, I have decided, and if I had to talk myself into it then so be it. Beats having someone else do it. Imagine Black trying to talk me round.

A/N: My very first HP fic. This is the first and last time I plan to use Celestine, but a series of one-shots showing how they get to this point and where they go next is in the pipeline. I'm a newbie with two whole chapters to my name; I'd write anyway but please review – it means a lot to know somebody out there's reading.


	2. A prank revealed, a plot hatched

A/N: A second in my series of L/J one-shots. Set at the end of sixth-year, about six months before the first. After the Marauders hit new lows, Lily has a daring plan to get rid of her nemesis once and for all.

Thanks a bunch to Sugarquill824, my one reviewer so far. I love R/Hr too; my upcoming main-line fic has much fluffy goodness, right up to the point where you RAFO. One of my other back-burner stories is R/Hr but not even slightly fluffy.

You don't want to read A/Ns all day so on with the action. The Gryffindor Common Room, May 1977.

James Potter strode into the Common Room looking, as usual, as if he owned the place and had stage-managed the past five minutes to enter at precisely the right moment. Which, come to think of it, was precisely what he did at least half the time. The other half happened naturally. Where any ordinary mortal would have come in just as something far more interesting occurred on the other side of the room, James entered as if on cue. A brief lull in the volume of conversation was more than enough; he and Sirus made their entrance and announced in portentous tones,

"Our problems with The Slug are officially at an end for the week. We figure that should be long enough for Poppy to undo the effects of our latest masterpiece."

To Lily's disgust, the majority of the Gryffindors looked impressed and began to beg for details. The more visible half of the Marauders were, of course, happy to oblige.

"Does everyone know what Polyjuice Potion is?"

A ragged chorus of "Yes.", "Get on with it." and "Yerwhat?" ensued.

"Right, well that was our Potions project and if you use animal parts instead of human you get ... interesting results." Sirius' grin at this threatened to engulf his face. James merely winked at the horrified look on Lily's face. Having been in the fateful lesson, she knew all too well where this was going.

"Such a pity, then, that Snivellus 'forgot' to put in his hair –"

"The grease would have wrecked it anyway."  
"Thanks for that Sirius. Anyway, somehow a bit of toad skin got in there instead. Can't think how that happened, but you know how Slughorn always tests the potions from his very best students. We don't dare do anything to our Perfect Prefect there, but that slimeball is another matter entirely. So, our _esteemed_ Professor of Potions is now even more toadlike than this morning. An improvement to his looks; better yet, Snivellus gets the blame. And all because of the geniuses who are – all together now – THE MARAUDERS!"

The last was repeated by most of the older students; only Lily kept a completely straight face before breaking out in shrieks of official fury, threatening in approximate order of effect detention, expulsion, exposure, evisceration, execution and Quidditch bans. All the while James looked unconcerned – even the last got no more than a brief narrowing of the eyes - save that intolerable smirk. Many, many house points later, the smirk spread into a full grin and he murmured, "Now I've spared you the pain of Snivellus' company for a few evenings, we can slide off to the Astronomy tower any time. It's got to be better than poring over Potions textbooks with El Greaso."

A red mist wavered in front of Lily's eyes as her harangue, which she had been rather proud of at that point, was forgotten in the general hilarity. Shouts of 'You tell her James!' and 'Aren't you going to answer him?' did nothing to help her keep calm; James Potter was going to regret this if it was the last thing she did. A small voice whispered that if she tried to play the Marauders at their own game it probably would be. Severus had a habit of getting into strange accidents. Regulus Black had been found hanging from the Quidditch hoops not once but three times. Julius Avery, who could not swim, had suffered an unfortunate accident with some Gillyweed in his salad at the end of their fifth year. No, attacking James by pranks or hexing him in the corridors was a bad idea. In the meantime...

"Potter, the Astronomy tower is very draughty. Somewhere ... warmer?"

"You WH- er, you mean it? How about the Three Broomsticks then?" he replied, looking satisfyingly stupefied at this apparent change of heart. Her comeback revealed the depth of his misunderstanding.

"Try Hell. Alone."  
At this his expression wavered between relief at being back on familiar ground and something else that might have been disappointment. Without another word he stalked over to the fire, threw a small second-year girl out of the best armchair -she looked pathetically grateful to have the honour of giving him her seat -and waved Black and their shadow Pettigrew over beside him, undoubtedly, she thought sourly, to cackle a bit more over the mess they'd made. She didn't see his eyes flick back towards her as she cleared the pranksters' crowd of well-wishers away from the portrait hole.

Whilst Lily was moving the crowd and glaring daggers at the back of Potter's head, the unseated second-year was firmly told to "Stop staring at Potter, he won't be interested in you anyway." by a tall fifth-year with short blonde hair whose name Lily vaguely connected with an annoying laugh and a name which sounded like a Muggle spot-remover her sister used. Without the energy to tear strips off yet another student, Lily retreated to the comparative safety of the sixth-year girls' dorm, where her best friend Jancy Quaine was waiting for her with a look of mingled indignation and envy. Without waiting for her to speak, Lily let loose a screech of sheer frustration which echoed off the walls and provoked banging on the floor from the Common Room below. With her anger temporarily relieved, Lily gave a quick explanation of what had happened downstairs, ending with a rhetorical wail of "...and he'll pay for this, but I don't know _how_. How do you get a simple idea through to James Potter?" Jancy's answer was unusually specific, if not particularly helpful.

"Give him what he asks for." That, retorted Lily, was not the point. The idea was to get rid of the idiot, not keep him hanging around.

"Exactly. If you just acted like everyone else he wouldn't bother baiting you. How hard can it be for a genius like yourself to pretend to think two very handsome lads are alright?"  
"Too hard. Besides, I want him to regret annoying me. Severely. Maybe if I did agree, then... no, too nasty. I can't act that well anyway." Despite Lily's regretful tone, a little glint appeared in her eyes as she dismissed this nebulous plan. Jancy was less willing to let it go.

"You said you wanted it to hurt him. Go on, spill."

"Oh, alright then. This is what I was thinking. How about if I start – slowly – pretending I think he's OK. Make him work a bit 'cause he'd never fall for-" she broke into an affected squeal, plainly based on that spot-remover fifth year.

"'Oh James I love you I've been wrong all these years kiss me now please my one and only!' Even he isn't enough of a prat to take that seriously. No, what I'll do is slowly convince him that he's getting somewhere. Then I let him ask me out one last time, we have a few nights out – don't worry, I won't let him take any liberties – and then I give him a taste of his own medicine. Reject him, in public, once more. That'll show the bastard. He's done it to girls before; I bet he didn't know how much it hurt them. Violet Spaven was in tears after he told the whole of Hufflepuff tower she was a slimy cow and he wouldn't touch her with a ten-foot Hippogriff prod." With a snort at the cruel accuracy of Potter's insult, she drew herself up as if expecting to be struck down on the spot for her cruelty. What she was not prepared for was her slightly odd, harmless dorm-mate and friend breaking into peals of hysterical laughter. That just didn't happen. Somewhere, Jancy had developed a sneaky streak to go with her fierce protectiveness and absolute, unshakeable loyalty.

"That's _gasp_ brilliant. Impaled upon his own sword, the cocky bastard. If he doesn't _gasp_ take that hint he deserves worse." Whilst Lily was slightly shocked by this new side of her friend, she was more than a little worried. The plan was supposed to be a fantasy, not deadly serious. Now it was both, and she was finding it a pretty good idea. After all, she mused, it's nothing he wouldn't do to me. Nothing, really, that I haven't done to him before – I've hardly been gentle in turning him down.

"Right. For the next few days I'm angry with him. By the end of term I'll tolerate him in the same room. At the start of next year I promote him to the human race and he gets to ask me out sometime in November, or whenever the time seems right. In the meantime, the Marauders are funny and when he asks me out I-"

"Don't let him get to you." Jancy's interjection was logical and accurate, but distinctly mild.

"_As I was saying_, I try not to hex him, smile if I can and when Black isn't in sight even flirt a bit. No, bad idea. Smile will do, until the time comes." There. A Potter-Repelling Charm better than anything she could have done in lessons. Filled with relief at finally having an answer to the intractable problem of James Potter, she pulled Jancy into a quick hug, whispering "Thanks." as she did so. Jancy merely gave a conspiratorial grin. This plan was going places. With any luck, to a packed Common Room. As Jancy blew out the candles, she grinned out of her window at the full moon outside. Its serenity was quite fitting; her Marauder worries were, if not over, goingto end in the foreseeable future. All would be right with the world.

A/N. Second chapter. More to come, including Potter's Worst Day, in which everything possible goes wrong at once, The Break-Up Downstairs, from James' POV, the Original Sin, or 'why does she hate him so much anyway?', the Werewolf Prank, gardening for Marauders, an interesting DADA teacher, a ball with a difference, a certain Prince and his sleeping beauty, a rat in the woodpile and the World's Biggest-Ever Duel – six sides, few alliances and about three dozen participants including all our old and new friends. Reviews will encourage me to write more and faster. If it's that bad, still tell me and I'll write something else. Basically, I'm a very new writer and I need to know what's good, bad, ugly, derivative, disastrous, hilarious etc. I'd review yours if I started it; it's not fair to read something written for no profit and not give something back, however small.


	3. AUTHOR'S NOTE READ PLEASE!

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

This story string is abandoned temporarily because I'm not happy with the first two stories. The third and fourth; 'Can it get any worse?' Parts 1 and 2, are now archived as a separate fic, to which updates and/or sequels will continue. Sorry to leave my faithful reviewers hanging, but I wanted to make a clean break of it. Thanks for supporting my first fic, please keep reading.

Kerichi, Lizzyisravenclaw, BAGGE, Tynwfiel, letsseesomeid, Alex202, Sugarquill824 and especially my loyal, wonderful HermioneRadcliffeGoMichael, you guys rule.

Now go read CIGAW!


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